When Silence Hurts
Living Out Loud in Christian Faith
I walked into the audition room for Hello Dolly at the high school for performing arts with a scratchy throat and a sinking feeling. Laryngitis had shown up again—right on cue. But I wasn’t about to walk away. I croaked out the words—even though it hurt.
I didn't get the part but left with the understudy role. If I ever had to step in, the directors decided I’d “speak-sing” my way through it. It wasn’t ideal, but it was enough.
Every time a musical audition came around, I lost my voice—not because I couldn’t sing, but because something inside me shut down when I needed to speak up.
There are times in life when silence feels safer, even wise—especially in our Christian faith journey. But sometimes, staying quiet prolongs harm. This tension, between speaking up and remaining quiet, can shift our hearts, causing us to lose focus on Jesus. It’s easy to become disoriented by fear, uncertainty, or the desire to keep the peace.
Maybe you’ve been there—wondering if holding back is doing more harm than good. How do we discern if silence is protective or if it permits an issue to persist?
When Silence Feels Like Safety
Sometimes, silence gives us time to breathe, process, and seek God’s wisdom. Ecclesiastes 3:7 (NIV) tells us there is “a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.” In certain seasons, silence is necessary, offering protection as we reflect and wait for God’s direction before taking action.
I've experienced seasons where silence acted as a shield—a safe space to process my emotions or pray through confusion. There’s wisdom in holding your tongue when words might deepen wounds or add confusion to an already fragile situation. As the saying goes, “Never trust your tongue when your heart is bitter. Hush until you heal.”
But there’s another side to silence.
When Silence Becomes Harmful
When silence becomes a way of avoiding hard truths or neglecting the pain of others, it’s no longer helpful. Staying silent when we know someone is being hurt, or when we ourselves are suffering, can lead to more damage. This is especially true in situations where silence allows harm to grow unchecked—whether it's in abusive relationships or in individuals struggling with thoughts of self-harm.
James 4:17 (NIV) tells us, “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” Injustice, abuse, and spiritual manipulation often flourish in environments where people hesitate to speak up. When we choose silence in these critical moments, we risk allowing these issues to continue.
As someone certified in mental health first aid, I’ve learned that talking to someone contemplating self-harm doesn’t increase the likelihood of them following through. In fact, opening up space for conversation can provide a lifeline. It’s not about prying or pushing but creating an environment where someone feels seen, heard, and valued.
Consider Proverbs 31:8 (NIV): “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.” Silence doesn’t always protect us or others. Sometimes, the real danger lies in what goes unsaid.
Living Between Silence and Speech
Everyday, we find ourselves living in the tension between holding back or stepping forward, fearing the consequences of speaking up or wondering what happens if we don't. It could be in relationships where you see things that don't sit right. Or in church environments, where the atmosphere is more unhealthy than life-giving.
When I lost my voice before the audition, I realized I still had to show up even though I couldn't sing. I had to find another way to speak, even if it meant croaking out the words. I think life brings moments like that, too—when we "speak-sing" our way through the tension of hard conversations, even though fear and uncertainty make us question how our words will land.
Asking the Right Questions
So, how do we know when to stay silent and when to speak? It's not always easy, but asking the right questions helps us discern our motives and the impact of our voice:
Am I staying silent because I'm afraid of confrontation or waiting for God's direction?
Will my words bring clarity and healing, or will they cause more confusion?
Is staying silent allowing harm to continue, or is it giving space for growth?
These aren't simple questions, but they can help us reflect on whether silence protects us or keeps us stuck.
The Perfect Platform for Hard Conversations
Jesus modeled both silence and speech with purpose. Sometimes He remained silent before His accusers (Matthew 27:12-14), and in other moments, He boldly confronted injustice (Matthew 21:12-13). His choices were guided by wisdom and love, reminding us that whether we speak or stay silent, God is always with us.
When the decision to speak or stay silent feels impossible, you don’t stand alone in the tension—you stand on the good ground of Christ’s finished work on the cross. It’s the perfect platform for challenging conversations, providing the security and strength we need, no matter the outcome.
Christ’s love and grace are the bedrock beneath us as we navigate personal conflict, spiritual disorientation, or harmful situations. We can rest secure in His love, knowing that we are held, regardless of what we choose.
Living Out Loud
In the end, even though I couldn't sing, I found my way through that audition by speaking the words as best I could. I showed up and used my voice, and that's what mattered.
You might be trying to find your voice, wrestling with whether to speak up when silence feels like a prison instead of a shield. But remember, you don't need all the answers or the perfect words. You have a voice. God can use it for His glory, whether it croaks, trembles, or speaks with strength.
For some, “living out loud” also means helping others understand what’s happening on the inside. In families like mine, where neurodivergence is part of our everyday lives, speaking aloud what we’re thinking or doing helps bridge the gap in communication. It can be a way of loving others, by letting them into our world.
Take a moment to ask yourself:
Where might God be asking me to speak up, and where might he be asking me to hold back?
What harm might my silence be allowing, and how can I move forward with grace and truth?
How might sharing my voice or perspective contribute to my growth and impact others?
Resources:
"Finding Your Voice: What Every Woman Needs to Live Her God-Given Passions Out Loud" by Natalie Grant – A resource to help you discover and live out your unique God-given voice and passions, this book aligns perfectly with the themes of speaking up, finding your voice, and making an impact. (Currently only 99¢ on Kindle.)
Mental Health First Aid USA – A training program that teaches how to identify, understand, and respond to signs of mental illnesses and substance use disorders. This certification empowers you to offer initial help in a crisis.
You can find more information and training opportunities atAACC Counselor Directory – A resource for finding certified Christian counselors through the American Association of Christian Counselors. https://www.aacc.net/counselor-directory/
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – A critical resource for anyone in crisis, providing support and guidance for those struggling with suicidal thoughts.
